Thursday, December 14, 2006
charlene, i read you.
i'm a bit scared of going back to singapore too.
just spent the last few hours friendster/blog-surfing and now i am terrified of how i'd feel when i'm back home.
i cannot believe there are still people at this age who still think the way they did when they were 12.
fuck fuck fuck
i have a feeling i'd go back to feeling super ugly, fat and demoralized all over again.
being in canada and in amsterdam for the last 2.5 years really helped me build up on my self-esteem-
i actually feel like i can be somebody here..i'm more than my body shape.
people actually do notice me for who i am.
none of that "she's cute IF she loses weight" bullshit.
and it's strange but every trip home is slightly dreadful because i know i'd falter and end up feeling insecure and unworthy.
i hate feeling that way, i don't deserve it and i never want to experience that ever.
but i know i will, and it kills me because i guess i'm not that strong afterall.
and that thought makes me depressed.
fuck
wai * 1:07 PM *